— Chapter Four —
Joy! Would I ever experience it again? When the psalmist penned Psalm 30:5, “Weeping may last for the night...” I wondered what circumstances gave birth to his song? How long did he weep before he could write the next line? As I lay motionlessly on my side of a partially undisturbed bed, I wondered if a flow of tears continually fell from the psalmist’s eyes too as he slept under the stars. And during his night of weeping, were his steps as lethargic and methodical as mine when I descended the stairs to make the morning coffee and listen to tapes I’d heard the night before? Music must have soothed his spirit as it did mine. Far better than listening to the news, it helped fill the morning’s deafening quietness.
There was no one to say “good morning.” No one offered to pour my coffee. No one sent me off with “have a nice day,” nor cared whether or not I did. I guess the psalmist had no one either.
And the next line…”But a shout of joy comes in the morning.” Did the psalmist place more emphasis on shout, or was joy accentuated? Did he sense a feeling of complete delight, a gladness of heart, or pure exaltation? If so, then without question it must have been supernaturally from God!
On this cold February morning, I cradled my coffee cup to warm my hands while looking at the few pansies in the planter on my deck that had defied this winter’s freeze. They had already survived two ice storms and a deep snow, yet their colorful faces turned toward me as if to present themselves as a small bouquet. I wanted so much to believe that God had kept those pansies for this moment. First a rose and now this bouquet of winter pansies.
“Is this You, God? Is this another small way to let me know You care? I appreciate it, but I can’t help but ask why do You do something so small as to present me with flowers instead of doing something BIG like changing my husband’s heart and bringing him back home?”
Still, I listened as Steve Green sang how God can make kings out of shepherds in the “Hidden Valleys” because He is “God and God Alone.” Damaris Carbaugh promised that I was “Never Alone.” Choking back the tears, I softly sang along with the more familiar songs that followed but with no confidence that what I heard could change my wounded heart.
There was no praise, no joy, only weeping. Perhaps one day there will be joy, but not today.
“Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.”
(Psalm 30:5b NASB).
Copyright 2001, 2004 Donna Christensen
All rights reserved.
Published Online by: The Biblical Reader
www.biblicalreader.com