— Chapter Eleven —
I had been legally separated for one year, which met the state’s requirement before my husband could file for a divorce. I shouldn’t have been so shaken when he called to schedule a time to discuss a property settlement agreement, but I was. My world fell apart once more. His words felt like a hot iron branding “Rejected” on my heart. Determined not to break down again at work, I said into the phone, “I’m sorry, but meeting with you will be impossible:’ His inflamed accusation of running up unnecessary legal bills were the charred remains of our conversation.
Driving home, I hoped the cars next to me wouldn’t notice my crying as we waited for a light to turn green. The thought of seeing a petition for a divorce plastered on my front door was horrifying. “Lord” I sobbed, “I’m so embarrassed. I’m so ashamed!”
It was dark when I drove up my driveway. The headlights beamed on the only unlit house in the cul-de-sac. Even though it was still early, I went upstairs and got ready for bed, hoping sleep would take me out of this misery. I pulled the covers down, leaving the other side undisturbed. I lay motionlessly, trying hard not to think about that call. I gazed at Katherine Brown’s picture of Jesus holding the lamb. I knew God heard the sobs, the crying out in disbelief, and the call for help. “Lord, I can’t pray right now. Just hold me the same way You’re holding that lamb. Please help me!”
Bible verses I had once memorized flooded my mind. I didn’t want to be bothered, but they refused to leave. In an attempt to appease what I considered annoying interruptions, I picked up my third journal, soon to be filled, and wrote down every verse, fragmented phrase, or dangling word that came to me. With the help of my new Strong’s Concordance, I found each text. When the last line was written, I knew it was special. Those Scripture verses composed a personal letter God sent me during that long and difficult night.
My dear, dear Donna,
I am here with you.29 I hear your cries.30 I want to share what I can do if you’ll let Me. I can give peace, not the peace the world gives, but supernatural peace. The peace I give will pass all human comprehension and understanding.31 But you must trust Me.32
I know you hurt. I hurt too,33 but leave the vengeance to Me.34 I will repay in the way I see fit. I am a just God35 and a righteous God.36 Leave those things to me. Are you listening? Be still and know that I am the great I Am. I am God.37 I have seen your heart. I know it is stayed on Me. I continually look throughout the earth that I might strongly support those whose hearts are completely Mine.38 Donna, I see your heart.
I know it is hard for you to understand now but eventually you will see that I am the giver of every good and perfect gift.39 I am committed to you. I will never leave you nor forsake you40 not now, not ever. I see your weakness. I know you are tired. And in your weakened condition, trust me with what has happened. I will live out My life in you. Because when you are weak, like you are tonight, I will make you strong!4’
Love,
God
Holding His letter next to my heart, I replied, “Lord, You know that I didn’t want this to happen. I’ve prayed and prayed that the heart of the one I love would change. Why does he continue to turn away from You? Why won’t he come back home? God, please help me!”
“Hear my cry, O God!
Give heed to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I call to Thee, when my
heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For Thou hast been a refuge for me,
A tower of strength against the enemy.
Let me dwell in Thy tent forever;
Let me take refuge in the shelter of Thy wings”
(Psalm 61:1-4 NASB).
Copyright 2001, 2004 Donna Christensen
All rights reserved.
Published Online by: The Biblical Reader
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